I sat on the phone with Jason, and switched on the television. Diary of a Mad Black Woman was on, the Tyler Perry Film/play-on-TV. I was thrilled. I love watching it. But, I was mad that I missed my favorite scene, with the anointed voice of Tamela Mann and that little daughter singing at church. And then Tamara Taylor comes in and surrenders in song to God; I always liked that. And then when it came on for the second time, and I waited for that scene to come on again; I never felt it like I felt it tonight. I cried watching the entire scene, witnessing, even in mere acting, that people surrendering through music is so real. Holy rollers, maybe, but it can happen. I cried so hard. I wanted to call Jason, but he was in class. He would have been so…so something. Touched? Proven?

I can see myself now being called by the Holy Spirit to the alter as the church choir – my church choir – sings to my heart and opens my soul. God has always known that music is what does it for me. I want to sing for him. Father, can you hear me now?

He will say yes.

Can you heal even me, Lord?
See I’m coming to you, Lord, just as I am
I’m in need of the blood of the lamb
All my heart, my soul says yes

Can these bones live? (Ezekiel 37:1-14) I’m coming out to Him, I’m seeing. I looked to my ceiling tonight and told Him – my ceiling and Him – that I was glad to feel all these emotions. I asked him, “Why do I feel this? This is so strange.”

I’m sure he smiled down on me. This little light of mine, he says. I can’t put any words in his mouth, though, although I have an idea of what he is saying and doing. He’s forgiving and putting me in his good graces. My sins, even thoug I know not what I sin everyday, are being forgiven every time I ask Him to. It’s remarkable what a little uncovered faith in God will do for one person! In all my lifetime of known and unknown sin, and all that I have done to ravage His name and, alas, I can be saved, too.

Seems crazy, right. Hey, God, can you save George W. Bush, too, please? (laughing)

Oh, and God..can you save one more person for me tonight? More than ever, he needs you now. Tell him I love him and I forgive him for what he did.